Hello Susan,
My husband is an alcoholic and I also suspect that he is a Narcissist because I can check off ‘yes’ to many of the traits described related to my husband. But I want to know how a person would become a narcissist, is it genetic or a learned behaviour? What makes a person act this way? I ask this because my youngest daughter (age 11) is very much like her father, and I would like to know how to stop this behaviour so she can live a successful happy life in the future. Can you tell me more about narcissistic behaviour and what causes it?
I was told by someone that alcoholics show the same traits as a narcissist but it is the alcoholism and not truly narcissism. Is this true and how do you distinguish the two.
Thanks for your reply
Name withheld, London
Dear London…
Narcissistic personality disorder is one of ten different personality disorders and is characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration and a lack of empathy across a variety of contexts. People with this disorder may seem to have a large sense of entitlement, show overconfident or arrogant behavior or attitude and manipulate or exploit other people to achieve his or her own needs. They may also be prone to rages when things do not go their way. No one is certain exactly why one person develops a personality disorder, while another one does not, however many studies show that childhood neglect and abuse play a significant role.
One study revealed that offspring who experienced verbal abuse in childhood, compared with those who didn’t, were three times more likely to be diagnosed as adults with borderline, narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive and paranoid personality disorders.
Narcissism and alcoholism may share some behaviour traits, and they often piggyback one another, but it is important to remember that not all narcissists are substance abusers, and not all substance abusers are narcissists.
The narcissist, like an addict, may feel that they ‘deserve’ their pleasure of choice. This may come (although certainly not always the case) from a feeling of having been ‘hard done by’ earlier is life. When engaged in an exploit, the narcissist may feel that he is in control, alert, and excited, and may not perceive addiction as a ‘dependence’, rather he or she likely believes that they are in charge of their addiction, and that they can quit at anytime.
While you may believe that your husband has mental health problems, it is important that any official diagnosis comes from a psychiatrist, following a thorough mental health assessment.
How can you help your daughter? If you suspect that she is exhibiting traits of a personality disorder, whether it is genetic or environmentally learned, it is crucial that you contact your family physician for a referral to a child psychiatrist.